Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Future nursery rhymes



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It's Raining, It's Pouring 

Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming. 

 

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Jack and Jill went into town 

To fetch some chips and sweeties. 

He can't keep his heart rate down 

And she's got diabetes. 

 

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Mary had a little lamb 

It ran into a pylon. 

10,000 volts went up its arse 

And turned its wool to nylon. 

 

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Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie 

Kissed the girls and made them cry. 

When the boys came out to play 

He kissed them too cause he was gay.

 

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Jack and Jill 

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing. 

Jack made a pass 

And grabbed her arse 

Now his two front teeth are missing. 

 

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Mary had a little lamb 

Its fleece was white and wispy. 

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease 

And now it's black and crispy.

 

Qantas 'Gripe Sheet' - Very Funny!

 

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.


The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Bafokke

 

I was facing a problem deciding who to support this week-end... Bafana Bafana or the Bokke? So I took out my yellow Bafana Bafana shirt. Then I took out my green and gold Bokke shirt. I still could not decide? Suddenly I had a brainwave.. 

I cut both shirts in half, length-wise and sewed the two halves together Now I have one shirt to support both and proudly displayed across the front.

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